Molly

Why would you like to be part of this project? 

I’m the one who is normally behind the camera, expressing my vision and my emotions through the bodies of others. I feel a sense of safety doing this that has become way too comfortable. This is such a beautiful platform for so many inspiring women that I feel like if I am going to really open up not only in the eyes of strangers but to myself, that I need this. I need to know my journey is shared by these incredible women who have also been in hiding.

What about this project speaks to you and how do you think you will benefit from this project?

I need to embrace this body and soul that I call my own because I never have. The longer I go without showing myself the kind of love I think I deserve the more lost I could become. This project allows not just me but all women to love themselves, to forget about the hardships that have cut, pulled, stretched and manipulated us. For the last couple of years my mental health has been one of a sinking ship and my only tool to fix it has been a bucket. Right now my instincts are to say fuck the ship, I can swim! That in enough of itself is something I never thought I would being saying, but it is the women before me that are telling me, showing me that our time is now and I need to be apart of it all. Just sitting here trying to put my thoughts into words I already feel empowered to share my story because I know the strong force of femininity and power all stand beside me, holding my hand. 

What kind of inspiration can you contribute?

Almost 12 years ago I tucked myself into a shell, a shell that was coated with the aspirations of a crazy amazing life but draped with a darkness, something that made me scared of the world, of my own voice and of who I was now meant to become. I let so many people try and shape me because I didn’t want to. I didn’t want to take responsibility for who I was meant to be because it all seemed too heavy, because I’ve never felt like enough. Through these 12 years eventually cracks started to open and slowly my soul was coming to the surface, very slowly. Finally being more true to myself than ever I can feel a change. That darkness we all lose ourselves in may never go away but I believe it can be turned into something more, into somethings that pushes you, tests you even inspirers you to do things you never thought you could. I’ve never known myself to be an inspiration because of how much pain I allowed my being to go through but now I see how truly strong I can be because of that. 

What’s your story?

I am a creation of both of my parents, a fact I couldn’t be more proud of.
My father was a builder, a carpenter and the root of my sense of humour. My mother is graced with a healing, gentle hand. Her garden always full of life and her dainty paintings and rustic handy work all contribute to the beauty that is her. I remember being so in love with the fact that both of my parents were my best friends. I’ll never stop pining for that love. 

Aside from the usual stigma that came with being a freckle faced redhead in a small country school the dramatics of my story started when I was 11. When that unbreakable bond between father and daughter was severed in the hands of a “professional”. I spent the last few months of his young life standing by his side, because that’s all I could do. Unknown to me at the time the severity of his condition nothing could have prepared me for this cruel next chapter of my life that would linger with me for the rest of my life. He died in the early hours of the morning on December 20th, 2006. Even now, all this time later and a part of me still can’t believe it. This is where I changed. No longer the loud, creative, bubbly centre of attention, no. I didn’t want to exist, I tried not to exist.
I spent and continue to spend my life hearing of how “it gets easier as time goes by” and to those people I call bullshit. Nothing gets easier, just as time continues I too must continue. I have become so aware of everything my father has already missed out on that I honestly don’t see and end to my pain. I believe that is what hurts the most. He didn’t see me graduate primary school or college and last year on February 18th I married my soulmate, a day that ironically I would have killed for him to be at, walking me down my rainforest isle. 

I’m a believer that everything happens for a reason regardless of how devastating, there will always be a lesson that comes out from underneath. With the huge hole that was left in my soul I spent the last 10 years trying to fill it and then I met Jesse. I never intended to bring somebody into my life, let alone to stay but he honestly left me no choice, I was so hesitant and then all at once, I fell. I won’t be able to put into words the intense connection we share but it’s one like I’ve never known. Our need for each other is so beautiful and raw I finally found a love that keeps me grounded yet continues to surprise me. I don’t completely believe I deserve his all, this is a result of hiding in a shall for all these years but he gives it to me anyway. Now two years on and it’s my time. My story wont just end with a soulmate and a happily ever after, I want it to end with me giving it my everything. 

- Molly Coulson-Bomm